An Ordinary Me, just like everybody...
Its been quite a while since I've written a blog post...I don't even know how to start here, or If I really have to this. One thing am pretty sure of, when I feel so alone, and I can't speak up my mind to somebody even to a closest friends, I usually wrote those thoughts. Maybe it's weird for some people but for me it's another best way of letting go of those ideas, emotions, dreams , worries, anger, pains etc. It might not ease all the pains & sadness inside but it helps a lot to make you a lil bit better. As you can see there's nothing much special about my blog site, yeah of course coz it's not yours & it wont matter that much for you but for Me not just Me but a lot of persons having a blog, it was mostly the reflection of our personality. Like my blog, its my personal ideas, my mood at that moment will always reflect on my post. Not for others to impress but to share my ideas & emotions, this is the place where I can freely express what I want, what I feel, oh yeah, I didn't forget that we have our limitations for the freedom of speech (lol), still this is my page, free to write whatever I want & I'm the only one who will be responsible for any unpleasant matter that I published here. Ok, enough for that freedom of expression.
Who am I?...I'm stubborn witty witch for some persons.I'm a sinner, I made a lot of mistakes in my life, or maybe everyday without knowing it. I hurt a lot of people just to insist the idea of being " I am right, you are wrong" or " my attitude towards you is base on what you have shown me" & I admit I did judge them for that same way they judge me on how I response to them, though I don't blame them bout it. Most of the time I can hardly control my emotions, my temper, my words specially when I get hurt or being provoked, that's why I'm very thankful that there's someone very special who always reminds me about my attitude. I'm really trying hard to control it, and I know it wasn't good enough. I often known to be "mataray" , "maldita" , "palaban" specially here on net (chatrooms) .As I've said, yes I am specially when I know you intentionally hitting my ass!And yeah, am stupid enough to mind you back when you're asking my attention & annoys me by talking trash lies bout my life, bout who really I am. It's fine with me when your just throwing bad words just for me, but what makes me mad ???.. once the person started attacking the persons really dearly to me, most of all my family. I know , I'm still wrong for putting my self down to their level but am gonna be hypocrite if I said it wont affect me somehow.
I'm a proud mother to my son " Noah ", my precious gem, my strength, my hope & one of the biggest reason to live & to try the best that I can to be strong. He's my sweetheart , my sweetest lil gentleman , my biggest fan. I'm his security, a his hero , but all I wanna be for him is to be his best friend & a good mother all the time. To be by his side anytime he needed me, to watch him grow, to give him a hugs & kisses to let him feel how much I love him , that I am here no matter what happen. I'll do the best that I can to make it happen, maybe not today, nor tomorrow but I know it will happen. I pray always that God lead me to my journey , so I can make things right, to help Noah grow up as a good person.
I came from a very simple family, I love Papa so much as well as Nanay also.( baka magselos pa si mother!heheh). I know Nanay that we love Papa so much , no question at all why. He's a wonderful father, friend, protector, good provider & the sweetest, most thoughtful husband! Just like an ordinary family , everybody got a hidden drama in life. I love my family, now that Papa & Kuya George are gone, me & Ate Gladz need to be strong for each other, for Nanay & Noah. I love my Ate Gladz so much, even though we have a lot of differences, she's always been very supportive Ate & Mama for Noah. I'm so lucky to have her & thankful to God. I can't pay her enough for " utang na loob" , all of them, our parents of course . Nanay & Papa for loving Noah, without them I dunno how to handle all the things around me, Thanks to Ate Nene also somehow she's been with Noah also. A lot of simple things that sometimes we forget to remember , we took for granted.
As a woman , I still have a lot of weakness. I might look like though outside, but trust me , I'll still have the soft side in my heart. Like most women, I also own " a foolish heart"..I fall in love.I'm stubborn ...I'm childish..I'm so sensitive specially if the words or actions came from a very special person ., I get jealous... I over react..impulsive..get mad..I get insecure...I started fights. Argue with nonsense issues..I mess up always..& might hurt you unintentionally. I commit sins, I forget God sometimes.. I pray..When it comes to love, I'm always sincere. I fall so deep.. I've tried to give my best to show how much I care, how much I love him...how important he is...I'm not perfect, indeed NO...I failed, I have an attitude problem...I cried a lot... I get my heart broken...Trying hard to be strong, to make things right, to survive everyday in this journey called " life"..I'm just a simple human being. I'm just an ordinary woman of my own character.
-I can't make people love me forever...all I can do is show them who I am and what I feel...and it's up to them to realize my worth!